The Plan
At the heart of Christmas for every kid I knew growing
up is their one wish to catch Santa placing their gifts under the tree.
I must admit I was intrigued with the prospect of finally
seeing the mystical, wonderful, and elusive Saint Nick. But, he did his thing
only once a year and I didn’t want to mess up his schedule and some kid got
nothing because I caused him to lose focus or even worse, leave before he put
everything on his list he was going to leave for me. I bet none of my friends
who were trying to catch him in the act thought about that. Well, as for me, I
never saw the excitement in that. Growing up in the city my attention was
always on three things. The Christmas tree, my mother’s cooking, and snow.
The Christmas
tree I remembered, and liked most, was this silvery aluminum far out and funky
nineteen sixty style bit of cool. Each branch came in a brown paper sleeve that
attached to a silver wooden pole for a trunk. Oh, on occasion we put up a real
tree and it smelled nice and all, but it wasn’t the same. For one, it would
always leave a mess and if you didn’t have on socks or slippers… Let’s just say
it takes a bit of joy and excitement out of the holidays when something sharp
has easy access to your toes. We’ve tried real and artificial trees on occasion,
but seeing the box come out, the paper sleeves for the branches and that silver
wooden pole for the truck come out, for me it was when I knew the Christmas
season had finally come. This also meant… FOOD!
There is no kid,
I knew who didn’t look forward to the Christmas feast. The smells that came out
of my mother’s kitchen had me wishing I was part raccoon, in the sneaky burglar
sort of way they move around quietly with a mask. On occasion my mother would
behave as if she didn’t see me take some of the vanilla and coconut icing off her
spreader, or a cookie as she set them out to cool. How did I know this? It
never fails to hear my mother laugh as I was one step away out the door and say
she was sure I would get all the snow off before I came in the house from
playing with my friends outside. In other words, you’re underfoot so go
outside! Of course I wanted to go outside in the first place, but the smells
coming from my mother’s kitchen held more interest in me than my brother Chris
putting snow down my back. Not only that, I didn’t want to hear another kid
boast that they would be triumphed and catch the jolly old man in the big red
suit before the others. Once again, my attention was somewhere else. My looking
at the news, something kids did that time of year to catch the annual Special
Santa Report and Winter Advisories. Snow Days Yeah!
It didn’t take
long for the older kids to realize that Snow Days didn’t mean a reduction in
the days you had to attend school, but younger kids like me, really didn’t
care. Snow days meant we could start the Christmas holidays early and forgo the
lunch lady’s attempt to add a bit of Christmas cheer to the Sloppy Joes and
Meat Loaf surprise that never surprised anyone who actually wanted to know what
kind of meat that was actually in the surprise. And to let all adults know,
fruit cake as a dessert was never considered a special treat on the last day of
school before the Christmas holiday for any kid after the first time they had
bitten into the red and green slice of… torture. It was so bad that some kids
stop eating fruit for several months after the experience. However, we all knew
snow days would free us from the dreaded Fruit Cake. Then it happened! A snow
storm that had left four feet of snow overnight and more was to follow each day.
We called it the early Christmas present. I didn’t know how much snow was
dropped, but it was high enough for us to make tunnels under the snow and think
of all sorts of silly games we could play. Oh, but when someone had an idea to
make something like an igloo, we didn’t think, we did.
We decided that
the center of all our tunnels would be the perfect place to make our igloo. It
was slow going at first because the snow was soft, but once you get enough kids
in an enclosed area, the heat from our bodies had caused the snow to melt some
and harden quickly. Soon we had built the igloo and ensured there was a hole at
the top like they had shown on the TV special about Eskimos in Alaska. Soon,
everyone was bringing out their lunch to eat in our very own Igloo. Some of the
older kids tried to take it over, but after a few parents got involved, that
ended quickly. We did have to rebuild a portion of a wall when a kid got angry
that his mother was going to get a switch if he didn’t leave us alone, but at
lease he didn’t collapse the entire igloo down on us or got out of being
punished for trying to do just that before he left. Now that we had our place
set, more snow coming, and Christmas only a two days away, things couldn’t get
any better. Right after we had lunch, the argument started on who would see
Santa first. It got so heated that there were now several holes in the round
wall and I had enough. I was going to end this madness once and for all. The
day before Christmas I put my plan to catch the little fat man in motion.
I didn’t bother
my mother all day long. I went outside early to play as hard as I could to tire
myself out. I knew I would have to sleep as much as possible so I could wake up
before midnight. Everyone knows that is when Santa stops by to place gifts
under the Christmas tree, and it would be best that I was wide awake to catch
him in the act. I’m glad I had seen that my older sister had asked for a
Polaroid camera that year. With proof that I had seen the Jolly Old Saint Nick,
thing could finally go back to normal and end the yearly arguments. I only had
one problem. One of the hinges on my bedroom door squeaked something awful. I
had the perfect thing to use for that. Unfortunately, my mother caught me
looking through the toolbox and I could not tell her the real reason nor could
I lie and be placed on the naughty list. If that were to happen then I would
miss out on my chance to catch Santa in the act. I did what most kids did when
they got caught doing something they shouldn’t be doing. I just shrugged my
shoulders. Time was running out and I needed to get some rest so I wouldn’t
fall asleep when I really needed to be on the lookout. I needed a backup plan
and fast. Besides, after all the playing I had done earlier that day, I was
ready to fall asleep standing up. Then it hit me. It was so simple and not even
my mother would be aware of what I was doing. Mr. Squeaky Hinge you have now
met your match!
Everything was
set and I was ready to do what no kid had ever done. I destroyed my lunch,
brushed my teeth, put on my PJs, and went directly to bed. It was the perfect
plan. I could sleep ten hours, wake up and be on the lookout. It was so simple
that I was surprised why the other kids hadn't come up with the same plan. I
mean, who could possibly not be able to stay up after sleeping for ten hours.
Now that I had the perfect plan and something that would easily remove the
squeak from the door’s, I gave out a great big yawn and…
"Mom!" my older brother Chris yelled out furiously. "Steven got peanut butter adn jelly all over me!"
Happy Holidays! SD Tracy Harper
Illustration; www.pbase.com
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